How to Choose the Best Counsellor or Therapist for You

It’s easy to find a therapist or a counsellor but perhaps it’s harder to know if you found the right one for you. Here are a number of questions you can ask yourself that will enable you to choose the right therapist for you. 

In my article today I outline 14 of these questions that you might ask yourself after you have had an initial consultation with a therapist or counsellor. I use the word therapist and counsellor interchangeably.

1.  Do you feel relaxed and safe? 

 Is it easy to make small talk and is the therapist relatable to and down-to-earth or do they feel emotionally removed or cold? Did they seem “stuck in their head,” or are they overly empathic and emotional? Is the therapist a “know it all“, who wants to tell you all about yourself?

For many of us, going to a counsellor for an initial consultation is likely to cause feelings of apprehension. If the therapist you are meeting with doesn’t seem to recognise this, then this therapist might not be the right fit for you. Remember, there is absolutely no rule that requires you to continue working with anybody if you do not click with them.

That being said, it’s important for you to recognise if there is a fearful part of you who wants to avoid talking about what’s going on. If you find yourself reacting negatively to every therapist you meet then the issue might be yours and it might be that if you stick it out with a therapist that is good enough, you might be able to work through your fears of beginning therapy.

2. What is the therapist’s approach and philosophy to helping? 

Does the counsellor you are meeting with see human beings in optimistic, hopeful and compassionate ways and do they believe that humans are basically born good? Or, instead, do they believe in genetic disorders, deficiencies and diagnosis?

 When I have my own therapy, I want my therapist to be hopeful and confident in my capacity to feel better. I want them to recognise me as a good person and to know that people do bad things as a consequence of not getting what they needed in terms of security and safety when they were young.

I do not want my therapist to be analysing my behaviour, conjuring fantasies about what is wrong with me and assuming I have flaws that at some point they are going to identify and reveal to me.

3.Can the therapist you meet with tell you clearly how they view whatever issue you have brought to them and can I tell you clearly how they plan to help you and what theories they will be employing? 

In my view, it is essential for you to have complete clarity about the direction and focus of the work you are paying for. Furthermore, I believe you should have the opportunity to think about the amount of sessions you would like to have as this will help your therapist frame and organise the work. For example, if you suffer from PTSD and want to have six sessions, then it might be that you have time to do some stabilisation work but it might be that you do not have enough time to enter into EMRD or similar trauma focused intervention.

4. Does the counsellor have regular supervision from a more experienced, more qualified therapist? 

 Supervision is essential for a number of reasons. Including, but not limited to, case review, theory enhancement and is a place where the therapist is able to review how their own history may be getting in the way of supporting you.

Avoid therapy with anyone who cannot share with you the name of their supervisor, indeed, for most counselling organisations such as the BACP or the UKCP it’s mandatory for therapists to have a supervisor with whom they meet regularly in order for the therapist to be registered with these organisations.

5. Can your therapist admit mistakes and receive critical feedback? 

The right counsellor for you will be open to hearing that what they have said to you has upset you or distressed you. The best counsellors are pleased to look at themselves as individuals as well as therapists, they’re open and honest about themselves and are able to recognise where they have been clumsy or thoughtless.

6. Do you feel dependent on your therapist? 

Therapy is not about you going to a counsellor to have them solve your problems, counselling is about you learning how to problem solve for yourself in useful, comfortable ways. 

A good therapist might provide answers and wisdom and emotional support but this should not happen without you being helped to access your own internal resources, as you do not want to become dependent on your counsellor for life guidance. Rather, you and your therapist should work together to help you become free and self-loving.

7. Does your counsellor receive ongoing therapy themselves?

As well as having professional supervision, I believe it is essential for all therapists to be in ongoing personal therapy at points in their career. Most therapists are themselves wounded healers and I think it is a dangerous position to take to think that, “I am cured and happy and able to be self-sustaining for the rest of my life.“ Particularly if you are supporting vulnerable people with their emotional lives.

8. How much experience does the therapist you are seeing have in helping other people with the particular issue you have brought to them?

The more expertise they have developed, the better you will be served.

9. Does the therapist you are seeing guarantee that they will help you?

Change is possible but a number of factors have to be in place in order for there be a good possibility for change to happen. Chief to the endeavour is the skill of the therapist you are seeing and your own capacity for change. Sometimes, in spite of my best efforts I have not been in the right place to make the changes I have wanted to make for myself when I have had therapy. Sometimes those changes have only happened when I was in a different stage in my life. 

Change takes work, commitment and clarity of purpose. If these factors are in place and you have a skilled helper then things look good for the future!

10. What ethical guidelines and principles does your therapist adhere to?
    There are a number of policies and principles that all good counselling organisations such as the BACP and UKCP require that the therapists who register with them follow. 

This means for example, that councillors are not permitted to enter into dual relationships, such as counselling a friend or an employee or a family member or someone closely associated with an existing client. The counsellor must be there only to meet your therapeutic needs such as providing you empathy, guidance, support, understanding, unburdening, and healing. 

11. Is your therapist Accredited?

Accreditation with a respected counselling organisation is an essential, minimum, qualification for all good therapists to hold. Accreditation means that the therapist has gained considerable experience and is regularly supervised. It also means that your therapist is required to undergo continuous professional development on a yearly basis.

12. What level of training has your counsellor achieved? 

It is essential for your therapist to be trained to a degree level, or equivalent. I do not believe anybody can call themselves a counsellor if they have done a weekend seminar or they have read some books about counselling. Without the right qualifications your counsellor may well lack the skills and training to provide you with a safe therapeutic environment.

13. Has your counsellor ever had any complaints made about their practice? 

You may feel awkward asking this question, however, you may learn a lot about your therapist as they answer this question. If they have not, then there is no further need to enquire. If they have, then how they describe this situation will be key to whether or not you will be safe with them. If they are open, frank, empathic and compassionate about the person who made the complaint against them, then you will have a better understanding of how they handle criticism and judgement. Needless to say, if they are angry or indignant then it might be time to continue your search for the right therapist.

14. How long has your therapist been practising? 

 There can be no doubt that an experienced therapist, accredited and registered with a notable organisation brings with them a sense of clarity and skill. Whereas, the therapist who has just qualified may not be such a safe option for you.

Having said that, good therapy provides healing within the context of a safe therapeutic relationship. If you feel comfortable and safe with a recently qualified counsellor then as long as you are clear about their abilities and training and they are clear with you about how they understand your dilemas, you stand a good chance of receiving some benefit. 

 I hope you find this knowledge on how to find a suitable therapist or counsellor helpful. If you’re looking for a therapist in the Poole, New Forest, Bournemouth or Christchurch area please do not hesitate to contact me so we can have an initial chat about the support you require.