Protecting Children Through Divorce and Separation

The Family Court system, while designed to address disputes between parents and ensure that the best interests of children are served, can inadvertently also pose hazards to their well-being in terms of the pressures it places on them to sometimes keep one, or both parents, happy.

Prolonged legal battles and custody disputes can expose children to emotional and psychological stress, as they are exposed to their parents’ worries and they are often caught in the crossfire of their parents’ conflicts.

Frequent court appearances and the uncertainty of outcomes can disrupt a child’s routines and stability, affecting their health, their attainment in school, social development and their relationships at work in the future. After all, it is normal for us to use the models of relating we have been shown as children, in our adult lives. 

Additionally, the adversarial nature of Family Court proceedings can sometimes lead to children feeling torn between their parents or even being manipulated or used as pawns in the legal process that can often feel frightening and confusing as, for example, one Judge’s opinion can differ from another’s and very often it is hard for us to be certain how matters will be resolved.

In my experience as a therapist in the New Forest, the Judiciary and Cafcass are very aware and sensitive of children’s vulnerability in these matters and they will do their utmost to protect them from harm. However, in an adversarial environment, it is not always possible to see when harm is taking place, let alone, protect children from it.

Needless to say, if you can avoid a separation being managed by professionals then you should do your bet to achieve this. If not, try and find representation that places the wellbeing of your children first.

In my work as a counsellor when working with parents trapped in frightening and costly proceedings, my aim is:

• Reduce the fear and anger in the system by helping individuals psychologically and emotionally step outside of the trauma system and stabilise themselves.
• From a more thoughtful, less reactive place, help individuals put a safer context around the children involved in proceedings.
• Help people understand, recognise and mitigate their triggers moving forward so they can remain focused on what they need from the separation rather than focusing on punishing their ex-partner.

If you’re working through a challenging separation that you need additional support for you or your children, please don’t hesitate to reach out for an initial consultation for therapy services.