What Are the Effects of Parental Alienation and What Can I Do About It?

cParental alienation is a truly horrible phenomenon that can have serious and long-lasting negative consequences on the children exposed to it as well as the targeted parent.

This destructive process happens when one parent deliberately manipulates, coerces and influences a child into turning against their other parent or close relative. Alienating behaviour often happens within a high-conflict divorce or separation, but it is by no means the only environment where it takes place.

As a therapist in Dorset, I have met many parents, trapped in frightening relationships, too afraid to leave their partners because they know their co-parent will destroy their relationship (and possibly those of other family members) with their children once they are separated and powerless to protect their children.

The emotional and psychological harm to children caught in these environments is pernicious as they suffer from feelings of confusion, guilt, crisis of identity, anger, shame and hopelessness, because ultimately, they blame themselves for the severed relationship with the targeted parent.

Recognising and addressing the alienation is crucial to ensure the healthy development of the children involved. Here are some ways to help you identify the situation:

• The first step is to accept it is happening. A good rule of thumb is, if you think it is taking place, it probably very well might be taking place.
• The second step is to address how it makes you feel well so you come into a more proactive and less reactive thinking and feeling state.
• The third step is to learn how you can help your children through the situation without alienating their other parent.

Parental alienation is recognised in law as being emotionally abusive to the children experiencing it. When we are abused, we are injured. However, these injuries can be mitigated by therapeutic interventions designed to help children feel seen and understood, safe and accepted.

Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to find out more about how counselling can help a young person feel better.