I understand reaching out for help can be a challenge so wanted to explain in detail how the initial contact with myself generally works. I hope you find it helpful.

You are welcome to contact me via email, telephone or text and you can give me as much or as little information as you would like. 

This means you can simply ask me what my fees are, and if I have availability or you can give me a little detail about the reasons you are reaching out. 

If I am unable to answer your phone call, I will do my best to respond to you on the day you contact me. I appreciate you need to know I have received your message and I understand you need a speedy response. 

I will respond to you in the way you have contacted me, therefore I will respond to a text with a text or a phone call with a phone call. 

I’m always happy to have a complimentary 15 minute introductory phone call with you, where I can explain my services in a little more detail and if you’re comfortable you can tell me a little bit about what is happening for you and what you would like assistance with.

If you contact me, there is no obligation for you to start any treatment with me and I will not make you false promises regarding treatment outcomes nor will I ask you to commit to any course of treatment.

My initial contact with you will be me giving you information upon which you can base decisions regarding what is right for you. In our initial contact, I will not ask you to book an appointment with me unless you are certain you would like to. 

I prefer to give you space and time to think about what we have discussed, and I encourage you to speak with other therapists so you have as much information as you need to decide who you would like to work with. 

Please feel free to call, text or email me again if, in your decision-making process, you need more information from me. That is no problem at all.

I believe that healing can only take place within the context of a safe relationship and it is my responsibility to provide that relationship to you.

My advice is that if you are feeling unheard, coerced, judged or shamed in therapy then you should either stop working with your therapist or, if you are comfortable, raise the matter with your therapist. Their response will inform your decision to leave or stay working with them.

As you know, it is your right to stop therapy at any time and it is important to keep this in mind at all times.

Are you feeling trapped and stuck in a situation that is causing you to feel anxious or angry or even causing you to look for unhelpful solutions to help you tolerate how you are feeling?

Have you done your best to manage your feelings in ways that no longer work for you? These ways might include frequent exercising, maintaining a clean house, staying at work for long hours, collecting things, buying things or using food, relationships, sex or alcohol, or other substances, to help you feel better.

When we’re managing our feelings in this way, this could be a sign that we have experienced trauma. The bigger the trauma, the unhappier we feel. This might be a single event trauma such as being involved in a road traffic accident, or this might be chronic trauma where we have been exposed to difficult circumstances over a period of time.

Many of us experience trauma in our lives and our bodies and nervous systems are made to heal from these occasions just as they are made to heal from physical illness and injury. However, sometimes our healing slows down and we seem unable to fully recover from hard times. We can identify when this is happening if we notice our thoughts drift off into difficult memories or future scenarios, where we replay conversations and critically review our actions and the actions of others. In this blaming place, we can feel angry, sad and lost and our relationship with ourselves and others deteriorate.

If unhappiness like this lingers and we find we do not recover in a timely, reasonable, fashion, it might be time to think about finding some support from a counsellor or therapist to heal and feel better.

A good therapist, just like a good doctor, will help you heal and feel better so you can lead a healthier life.

It might help to know that counsellors will answer the question, “What’s happened to you?”, rather than asking, “What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you?” suggests you’re malfunctioning.

“What’s happened to you?” says that your feelings are a rational response to things you have experienced.

This understanding can be the first step in recognising your journey and planning your healing with your counsellor. If this article has resonated with you and you’re ready to take the first step in working with a counsellor, I’m here to help you. My practice is based in Burley, New Forest, if you live in the Hampshire, Bournemouth, Poole or Southampton area; please do get in touch to discuss the next steps. Any communication is of course confidential.